My Crowning Glory Is Giving Me A Headache

This is a picture of what the hair on top of my head will NEVER look like

I detest my hair in its ‘natural state’.  By natural I mean it has not been straightened with the application of heat or chemicals. The real version of “I woke up like this”. When it is natural, it is a coiled, spongy, springy, dry, tangled life form upon my head. Oh I know my hair is not alive, it is simply a mass of keratin and dead skin cells but believe me, it has a life of its own! It shrinks down three times its size after the application of water, combs break in it when I try to tame it into something recognizable, and humidity (thank you, Ghana!) makes it into a puffy mass of untidiness!

So if I am unable to cope with my hair in its natural state, why am I typing this to you dear reader having avoided relaxer and heat applications, which make it infinitely more manageable, since May 9^th 2013? Well I will tell you why, it is because of a new fad sweeping the interweb, it is the dawn of a new age, the dawn of the Natural Hair Blogger (NHB)! These bloggers are usually women with thick, luscious manes that bounce when they walk and glisten in the sunlight.Their are blogs dedicated to advising and encouraging women of African descent to resist the application of relaxers – or as they affectionately call it- the creamy crack. And they have brainwashed me!

The creamy crack, is aptly named, indeed I am an addict. I dream of walking down the road to any of the small hair salons littered in my neighbourhood and getting my fix. Any cream will do really, just to rid me of this mass of steel wool atop my head, but I am feening most especially for my drug of choice, Dark and Lovely. Oh to sit in the comfortable padded chair surrounded by discarded hair and braid extensions at my feet, the sound of blow dryers and gossip, the smell of hair dye and shampoo, and let the hairdresser knead my head with the noxious smelling chemicals that will leave my hair a flat, shiny, lifeless, but manageable mane. It has been too long since my fix, too long!

These NHBs have lied to me though! They have extolled on the virtues of keeping my hair in its natural state and applauded me for staying away from the crack but they forgot to mention all the WORK I would now have to put into my hair to make it manageable. They have coined terms such as ‘hair regimen’ (a plan of your daily treatments to your hair), ‘co- wash’(washing using only conditioner because apparently shampoo can be too drying sometimes) and ‘pre-poo’(moisturising your hair with oils BEFORE you wash). They swear by applications of extra virgin olive oil and shea butter hot oil treatments, Jamaican black castor oil and coconut oil moisturisers, bentonite clay and apple cider vinegar cleanses. Natural hair is needier than a new born baby! Terms and conditions apply friends! I beg you to read the fine print before embarking on this journey!

Natural hair bloggers as Krystal K (The Feisty House), Jenell Stewart (kinkycurlycoilyme) and Afrodiva Nally (ghanaiannaturals), are my go to blogs on how to keep my hair moisturised and soft and stretched out to prevent the inevitable dreaded shrink. However let me come clean to you, dear reader I am EXTREMELY LAZY when it comes to my hair. Luckily for me I have a bit of an obsession with headscarves so my dense sprouting is more often than not covered up. But I cannot just ignore my precious strands underneath. This is why I am endeavoring to take better care of my hair.

On that fateful day on May 9^th when my crowning glory was laid down (also known as the ‘big chop’ in natural hair circles), I thanked God that I did not have a weirdly shaped head and could pull off a short crop, but I also prayed for HEALTHY hair, strong and without dandruff, my arch nemesis. Blessed with a hairline that was receding on the sides, 80% genetic (shout out to my dad) and 20% just plain old lack of care and too many tight braids, I vowed to take better care of it and this is where the NHBs come in. Using science and facts they taught me how poisonous the creamy crack is (it has sodium hydroxide as the active ingredient people!!!) and how African hair should be treated. They made me aware of the different types of kink hair there was (4a, b, and, c) and I was dismayed to find I possessed the kinkiest kink of them all! 

THEN: short and manageable. I miss it

So for the past year I have been lax in my care. But no longer! I will pre-poo, co- wash and stick to a hair regimen… okay I lie. Ain't anybody got time for that. But I will step up my game a little bit. This is why I signed up for the kinkycurlycoilyme castor oil challenge. Which simply entails that I apply castor oil to my hair at least three times a week. NHBs swear by castor oil, it is their liquid gold, they have an unwavering belief that continued use will produce waist length hair in all who are diligent in its application. And don't get me started on how much they luuurrvve it in its most natural form - Jamaican black castor oil (JBCO) some would sell their grandmothers for a lifetime supply of this substance and I firmly believe this is NHBs own form of 'crack'. Although some are kind enough to point out in the footnotes that genetics plays a part in how fast and thick your hair will grow. Tactfully saying, results may vary. 

NOW: my hair after a year of neglect, tsk still got nonexistent edges.
Look at that bush!

I will say one thing though, reduction of my use of relaxers has reduced my dandruff, not much but a little, so maybe there is something to all the bad press.. or I should give praise to my sporadic use of olive oil and castor oil in my hair this past year. Either way, my goals are to achieve soft and dandruff free hair. Is that too much to ask?

But do not be fooled with all my natural hair speak, just because I have gone natural for a while does not mean I am leaving the chemicals for good. Once I am satisfied that my hair is as healthy as its ever gonna be, well.. I’m an addict, I love the creamy crack...  I see you friend. One day we will meet again. All things in moderation though, maybe just a once a year fix.